Somehow it seems that every year seems harder and harder. Its not 'getting better', I've no reason to believe it ever will...
I don't know how to get out of this mess of a life that I have. I know I'm suppose to be a good christian and keep working harder to become one but I'm about as sickly as a leper, as blind as a bat, and as spiritually broke as a beggar. And this church that I'm in has so much good and also so much bad... It will not be better elsewhere and I don't have any hope or dreams. I have nothing.
And so I wish I didn't have a spirit. I really mean no disrespect to God but I don't think I am fit for this heavy burden of spirituality.
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