Unresolved issues at 23

Yeah thats right. I'm really old now. I've lost that freshness young people have towards life. I see things in a pretty negative way sometimes but the sad thing is when I'm right.

But theres still a lot of things I don't know. So call them unresolved issues but damn, God is so not done with me yet.

I don't really like the person I've become, with the multiple spiritual failures I've had/self-inflicted along the way. I hate how I'm floundering, or even going backwards.

Somehow I get this sense that God is calling me back to Him again?

Asking for signs is pretty pointless... Signs make you hyperaware and anyone looking for someone or something that hard is probably bound to see something when there's nothing...

What I need is not a sign. What I need is to get my life together and walk on. Goodbye weakness and failure and hello triumph and victory. God help me.

It has also been a long time since I shared the gospel with anyone intentionally because there was a point when I felt that there was no point talking the talk when you are not walking the talk. And then today the pastor says that you will walk the talk and know how to walk when you keep talking...

I think I also stopped talking the talk because I didn't know what I was talking about. To talk about Christianity as a new purposeful life? When I had genuinely experienced that? And by genuine I mean not something self-created. Amazingly when you hear enough spiritual things you will start to know how to be spiritual without actually ever hearing anything from God.

Yes God speaks through men... Yes God speaks in so many ways.

But you should know whether you know God or not. And if you think maybe you don't really know then don't go on pretending. Stop right there.

How do you fix that? Perhaps by this point you feel like the biggest liar ever and that what you did previously was all a lie.

But don't give up. Because that you realised something was amiss IS also God's plan for you. He WILL help you at all cost to reach salvation. But you must surrender everything.

So start again. Surrender everything.

Always start again. God may give you another chance. Treasure each chance. Even if you think there is no chance try again. You have nothing else.

If you decide to give up on God, He still will not give up on you.

But God doesn't make things all better magically because you need to learn to treasure your chance. You may say what is wrong with God, why is He always doing this kind of tests on man?? You think I'm an experiment?? I hate being experimented on.

Just step back and see how mankind never appreciates things that come easy.

So give God a chance. You know you need Him.