Psychology indeed

Using Pavlovian Theory to classically condition inanimate objects

The idea for this experiment came in the shower one morning. I waste a tremendous amount of time every day drying myself. If I could train my towels to do this for me, my life would be more efficient.
It was clear I would need some stimulus more powerful than the ringing of a handbell to condition my towels, due to their lack of ears. I plumped for Pinkerton as it has enough energy to do the task and, more importantly, it's something I could put up with listening to every morning. If I played the album to my towels while drying myself daily, over a six month period, then my theory states that they would associate drying my body with the music. Once this response is ingrained, merely listening to the album would cause my towels to rise from the chair and dry my body, leaving me free to think about more important things.
Every morning for the last three months, I've dried myself with the same two towels while listening (or more importantly while they listen) to the same album. No sign of independent movement yet, but I'm hopeful it'll manifest within the next three months.
Unfortunately, I'm now unable to listen to one of my favourite albums without rubbing myself vigorously with a towel, which causes problems at parties.