I wish

I wish I had the perseverance to be noble. I've come to notice something quite quite terrible about myself in which my nobility tends to be in my mind, but doesn't ever come out in action.

Because often time, I like to see myself as the victim.

Yet often time, its never as clear cut as a singular victim and the angonist villian. Often times you play a bit of both roles.

I find I like to play mind games, I find I like to overthink and I find that I can twist my words around and about in order to gratify myself.

But at the end of it all I find I'm merely provoking myself further, like inexorably scratching at that scab that just needs a little peace so it can heal and drop off. Maybe because I like the blood, the essence of life excitment, whatever blood embodies.

I admire the people who can do what they say they will, in events in which it takes time to accomplish what they say they will. Because to be able to maintain your word over time takes more effort than it takes for the words to come out of your mouth in second.

This is my lesson.